Quotes

"“President Trump claimed to have survived the coronavirus. Yay. I’m not gonna say I’m disappointed, but it kind of feels like when there’s a car crash and the only survivor is the drunk driver.”"
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- Michael Che, on SNL's Weekend Update
"“After the Commission on Presidential Debates announced this morning that next week’s debate will be virtual, President Trump said that he would not take part in the event. So as a proxy, they’re just going to throw up a badger who’s been separated from her babies.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“God bless you, fly. I guess the plexiglass wasn’t high enough.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, after a fly landed on VP Pence's head during last night's debate
"“Trump wanted this to be a show of strength, but moments after taking off his mask, he was clearly struggling to breathe. Still, it’s a strong look, because nothing bad ever happens to people who are famous for their balconies: Your Mussolini, your Saddam, your Juliets.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
""Can we just assume everyone in the White House has coronavirus at this point? It’s like ‘Game of Thrones,’ except we’d be happy if it ended with Bran in charge.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“If you were constructing a joke, this has all the elements you need. It’s like if I was making a joke about belts and my pants immediately fell down.”"
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- SNL's Michael Che, on President Trump contracting coronavirus
""Like everyone else, the coronavirus will regret going to work in that White House.""
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- Conan O'Brien
""It’s not good when you ask the president if he’ll condemn white supremacy and the ‘Jeopardy!’ music starts playing in his head while he thinks it over.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
""Tonight’s debate made history. It was the first time Americans ever watched something on TV and wished there were commercials.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""Just for those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.”"
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- Trevor Noah
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