"“As much as you might have some schadenfreude about this thing, Rudy Giuliani testing positive for Covid-19 is a terrifying new development. Because you realize up until now we didn’t even think that dead guys could get corona.”"
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- Trevor Noah
"“I would say the defense rests, but we will never rest. Not until this election is overturned. Or I get a full pardon and $10 million in cash.”"
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- SNL's Kate McKinnon as Rudy Giuliani
""That was there star witness. Where does Rudy keep finding these people, LinkedInsane?""
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- Jimmy Fallon, on Rudy Giuliani's peculiar witness in a voter fraud hearing
"“According to legal experts, Trump’s children may need pardons due to potential conflicts of interest arising between their business dealings and conversations with their father. Meanwhile, Jared Kushner needs a pardon for the time he killed a drifter just so he could feel something.”"
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- James Corden
"“It’s so weird that they didn’t find evidence of the very thing they never backed up with any evidence.” "
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- James Corden, after Attorney General William Barr said fraud that could have altered the election had not been found
"“He suffered hairline fractures in his right foot. Even the eventful things that happen to Joe Biden are uneventful.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
" "It's probably the word by which we'll refer to this period in the future.”"
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- Peter Sokolowski, editor at large for Merriam-Webster, on it's word of the year: pandemic
"“The bird needed to be pardoned after it was let down by its bumbling lawyer, Rooster Giuliani.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on President Trump's Thanksgiving pardon of a turkey
""She got kicked off Trump’s legal team for being too crazy. That’s like getting kicked off of ‘Real Housewives’ for being too crazy.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on Sidney Powell
""I'm not worried about a second lockdown, because I already know all the best place in my house to cry.""
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- Conan O'Brien
