"“On the very first page of their first legal filing, they wrote, ‘to the honorable members of the Unites States Senate.’ They misspelled ‘United States.’ And we’re off!”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on the legal brief filed by former president Donald Trump's legal team
"“If you don’t want a vaccine, then don’t get one. I don’t agree with you, but don’t ruin it for everyone else. Like, we don’t come interrupt you when you’re busy dying of measles.” "
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- Trevor Noah
"“Late last year, two hedge funds started shorting stock in the retail store GameStop. Meaning, they had bet against it and needed it to drop in price for their investments to be successful. You might have seen a similar concept in the movie ‘The Big Short,’ or its popular video game spin-off, ‘Grand Theft Pension Fund.’” "
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- Stephen Colbert
""All 100 senators were sworn in as jurors for Donald Trump’s upcoming impeachment trial, which starts on February 8. The trial is to determine if the attack on the Capitol by thousands of people wearing flags that said ‘Trump’ and hats that said ‘Trump’ is the fault of — get this — Trump.”"
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- James Corden
"“So you just want to let him off scot-free for insurrection because he’s no longer in power? That’s like acquitting Jeffrey Dahmer because he’s full.” "
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- Stephen Colbert, on Senators who said they are unlikely to find President Trump guilty
""Something to look forward to in the coming years: seeing weird billionaires f up space.""
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- Conan O'Brien
""Joe Biden was one of the most beloved supporting characters from the Obama administration, and now he’s got his own show. Basically, this is the ‘Frasier’ of presidencies.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Former President Trump concluded his remarks at this morning’s send-off at Joint Base Andrews by telling the crowd, quote, ‘We’ll see you soon.’ ‘We were about to say the same thing,’ said the Southern District of New York.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""It’s going to be great for the world that Disney and Netflix are competing show by show, movie by movie.""
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- Netflix's Reed Hastings
"“Twitter is like a party where everyone is screaming. Not much of a party.” "
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- Alec Baldwin, announcing he's taking a break from Twitter
