"“The White House is said to be in talks with Amazon right now to help distribute the vaccine. The way it will work is any Prime member who can prove they’ve watched all six seasons of ‘Bosch’ will get vaccinated.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
Quotes
"“This morning was the coldest in decades in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Little Rock. In New Orleans, they had the coldest Fat Tuesday in more than a hundred years. People on the streets were putting their tops on.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Whenever Black fame gets too crazy for me, I just go to the next white town and I’m the regular suspicious shopper again.”"
- SNL host Regina King
""These videos make it pretty obvious that Trump incited the rioters. They were wearing Trump hats, carrying Trump flags, and they all just watched Trump speak, and they were chanting, ‘Fight for Trump!’ Even that dog from ‘Blue’s Clues’ is like, ‘I need a challenge here, guys. We all know what this is, right?’”"
- Trevor Noah
"“Republicans are like: ‘Wow, that defense was terrible. He couldn’t have made a worse case. Anyway, not guilty.’” "
- Jimmy Fallon, on the impeachment trial
"“Even Joe Biden was like: ‘Come on, man. Wrap it up.’” "
- Jimmy Fallon, on the meandering speech of Donald Trump's impeachment lawyer
"“While the teams did their best to make the game itself safe-ish, the after-party on the streets of Tampa was a different story. Because following the Bucs’ blowout victory, hordes of maskless fans partied hearty, in a foolhardy display that can only be described as ‘Florida.’”"
- Stephen Colbert
"“In the streaming world, we talk a lot about algorithms and data but I still don’t think there’s anything that can replace a great executive’s ability to listen to an idea and say ‘That’s the right one’.""
- Dana Walden, Chairman of Entertainment, Walt Disney Television
"“After the Screen Actors Guild criticized Trump last month, today he sent a letter saying that he’s quitting the union. Trump’s out of work and just quit his union — even worse, now if he wants medical coverage, he’s got to sign up for Obamacare.”"
- Jimmy Fallon
"“Seriously, who is having a better year than Netflix? I mean, even Purell is jealous.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on the streamer's record number of Golden Globe nods
CynCity
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