"“Texans were like, ‘Fix our electrical grid!’ And the governor’s like, ‘OK, no masks it is.’” "
- Jimmy Fallon
Quotes
""Not only are they pulling some books out of print, they’re also tweaking some of the books that are in print to make them more inclusive. For instance, we now have ‘The Cat in the Problematic Headdress,’ ‘How the Grinch Appropriated Native American Culture,’ ‘Hop on Pop, With His Consent,’ ‘Horton Hears a They,’ ‘Horton Hears a Misogynist Joke and Reports It to H.R.,’ ‘There’s a Wocket in My Ethically Sourced Sustainable Pocket,’ ‘No Eggs or Ham’ — that’s a vegan thing, I guess — and ‘Yertle the Gender-Fluid Turtle, and Other Stories.’” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“This year’s [Golden Globes] looks ran the gamut from Cynthia Erivo in Valentino and Nicole Kidman in Louis Vuitton all the way to Jason Sudeikis in tie-dye hoodie. You can shop Jason Sudeikis’s look by digging into the bottom of your hamper and then taking that edible you’ve been saving for an emergency.” "
- Stephen Colbert
""Art has always been not just in step with history, but has led the way. So let’s be leaders.”"
- Jane Fonda, at the Golden Globes
"“Naturally, when this news hit Twitter, the world’s top idiots weighed in. Piers Morgan tweeted, ‘Who was actually offended by Mr. Potato Head being male? I want names. These woke imbeciles are destroying the world.’ Yes, they’re destroying the world. How will children grow up without a strong male potato role model? Won’t someone think of the tots?”"
- Stephen Colbert
""This is not your father's Viacom, and it's not my father's either.""
- Shari Redstone, chairwoman of ViacomCBS, as she opened ViacomCBS' Paramount+ event
""Trudeau and Biden had a typical video chat between a 49-year-old and a 78-year-old. Trudeau spent the first 20 minutes trying to tell Biden he was on mute.”"
- Jimmy Fallon
"“Only Ted Cruz would think he can repair his image by touching a maskless constituent two days after getting off an international flight.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Far be it from me to question the wisdom of a man who failed running for president twice, and who came in 12th on Dancing with the Stars.”"
- John Oliver, on Rick Perry saying Texas residents would live without electricity to keep out federal regulators]
""Ted Cruz blaming his daughters for this is just gross. Being a good father means putting them on a bus, not throwing them under one.” "
- Trevor Noah, on Cruz's trip to Cancun during Texas' catastrophe
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