"“We’re not allowed to show Olympic footage, because it airs on NBC and that means ABC would probably have to pay for it. And they just brought me back for another season of ‘Black-ish,’ so they’re kind of broke-ish.”"
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- Anthony Anderson, guest hosting "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"
"“The only really strange thing about paying reparations to Black people is that we haven’t done it yet.”"
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- John Oliver
"“Inoculations have slowed dramatically, and less than half of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated. So if you think of it like a pie, about half of the pie would be vaccinated while the other half wouldn’t be able to taste the pie because they have Covid.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“It’s the only rocket that shrinks in the cold.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon, on Jeff Bezos' phallic-shaped rocket
"“He’s going into space before he goes into college. Think about that for just a minute.”"
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- CBS News' Gayle King, on 18-year-old Oliver Daemon aboard the Blue Origin
""Get the shot. It will save your life.""
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- Fox News' Steve Doocy
"“During a visit to the White House yesterday, pop star Olivia Rodrigo made a surprise appearance at the afternoon press briefing to help promote youth vaccinations, which should have a big impact on the millions of teens who watch the White House press briefings.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Speaking of Trump, a new book just came out that describes ‘anarchy and chaos’ in the final days of his administration. Yeah, the final days were ‘anarchy and chaos,’ as opposed to the early days of Omarosa and Scaramucci that were a well-oiled machine.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""Olivia Rodrigo is going to the White House. She’s going to team up with President Biden and Dr. Fauci to make videos about getting vaccinated. When his staff suggested bringing in popular musical artists, Biden was like, ‘Great idea. How about Glenn Miller or the Andrews Sisters?’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Just because you touched net doesn’t mean you can say you dunked. Branson’s like one of those guys who say, ‘Yeah, I’ve been to Texas’ and then you find out he changed planes once at Dallas-Fort Worth.” "
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- Seth Meyers, on Richard Branson's four minutes in space
