Quotes

"“Everyone’s parents came this close to joining TikTok.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the Facebook outage
"“Before Facebook, I had no problems with any of my aunts or uncles. It was all — all birthday checks in the mail.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
" “Is it just me or does she look like all the characters from Scooby-Doo at the same time?”"
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- SNL's James Austin Johnson as Joe Biden describing Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ)
"“It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask.""
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the Congressional Baseball Game
"“Congress — that’s the only workplace less productive than Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch.”"
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- Trevpr Noah
"“As soon as they switched the camera on, Trump turned around and said ‘Hey doc, how are the ratings?’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel, about Donald Trump's newly-revealed 2019 colonoscopy
""President Biden received his Covid booster shot on camera, in front of reporters. When they offered Biden the booster, he said, ‘I’ll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“We all had such blissful ignorance going into the reunion. We were thinking, ‘How much fun is this going to be, to go back to Stage 24 exactly the way it was, exactly the way we left it.’ But it was a sucker punch to the heart. It turns out that it’s not so easy to time travel.”"
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- Jennifer Aniston to the NY Times, about the "Friends" reunion show
""To make sure only seniors get the shot, the vaccination site is a Denny’s between the hours of 3:00 and 4:15. The password is ‘I miss pay phones.’”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on Pfizer booster shots
"“No one wants to think about sewage, but we all need to support the water infrastructure that supports us. Because waste disposal is vital to society and sanitation is a human right — unless you’re at an outdoor music festival, in which case, it’s a distant memory.” "
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- Samantha Bee
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