"“They also said you can swim right after you eat, breaking a mirror only gives you four years bad luck, and stepping on a crack won’t break your mother’s back; her back will just be very disappointed.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on the C.D.C.'s revised guidelines
"“RIP Betty White, the only SNL host I ever saw get a standing ovation at the after party. A party at which she ordered a vodka and a hotdog and stayed til the bitter end.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""It takes a lot of money to make Paris look this cheap." "
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- NY Times critic Jason Farago, on "Emily in Paris"
""I think I’m committed to doing this show until its 50th anniversary, which is in three years. I’d like to see that through, and I have a feeling that’d be a really good time to leave.""
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- Lorne Michaels, on his SNL plans
"“Time Magazine has made Elon Musk person of the year. You can read more about it on your phone while your Tesla is self-driving you into a lake.”"
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- Tiny Fey, on SNL's Weekend Update
"“President Biden attended the D.N.C.’s annual holiday party last night and gave a 10-minute speech in just under an hour.” "
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- Seth Myers
"“According to newly released records, Donald Trump Jr. texted then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows during January’s Capitol attack, urging him to make President Trump condemn the violence. Then he texted again, saying, ‘Fine, I’ll tell him myself — just give me his number.’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Time magazine today unveiled their annual person of the year, and that person is Elon Musk or as I call him, Old Sheldon.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
" “It was reported that Sylvester Stallone will star in a new TV series playing an Italian mob boss from Kansas City, in what is an absolute nightmare scenario for the closed captioning guy.""
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- Colin Jost, on SNL's Weekend Update
"“Of course, this never would have happened if the tree had a gun.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on the Christmas tree outside Fox News' NYC headquarters caught on fire
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