"“A quarterback retiring at 44 is like the rest of us retiring from our jobs at 95.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel
Quotes
"“Before the season, the Bengals’ odds were 150 to 1. To give you an idea, there are better odds of finding a rapid test at CVS.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“We don’t make purely financial decisions about the content. We try to find great content that has a reason for being.”"
- Apple CEO Tim Cook, on Apple TV+
""Why not make the Supreme Court a little more representative of the country it represents? I mean, their rulings impact the lives of every person in the country, so it would be nice to have at least one justice on there who’s had to ask the Walgreens guy to unlock the shampoo shelf.”"
- Trevor Noah
"“Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer is reportedly planning to retire at the end of the current term, which would allow President Biden to appoint a successor. Said Mitch McConnell, ‘With only three years left in his term? I don’t think so.'”"
- Seth Meyers
""This is what happens when you have been on Zoom calls for two years — you forget that real life doesn’t have a mute button.” "
- Trevor Noah, on President Biden's hot mic moment
""Tom Brady and the defending champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers were knocked out of the playoffs. Brady is really not used to losing — he normally commutes home via parade.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“I would like to officially announce that 'MacGruber' has been picked up for a season 2. I would like to announce that. But it hasn’t been picked up yet, so I can’t. We’re waiting to hear.”"
- Will Forte, during SNL's opening monologue
"“Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema believe so strongly in the power of voting that they use their vote to block voting rights for the entire country. They were unvoting voting by voting.”"
- Trevor Noah
"“The president took a lot of questions, too many questions. You know how at the end of most press conferences, the reporters are yelling ‘Mr. President, Mr. President!’? At the end of this one, they were like, ‘Goodbye. We’re good. We got plenty.’” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
CynCity
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